QUICK VIDEO TIP FROM DEAN
Hug Em. And They’ll Hug You Back.
YESCALATE® Quick Tip # 5 I LIKE YOU
Three beautiful words…
“I like you.”
The research shows that
when you pay someone a compliment
their brain releases a chemical called dopamine.
You know what dopamine does to the brain?
The same thing that heroin does to Keith Richards’ brain:
It makes you feel good.
Really, really good.
It’s a feeling that people like.
People like to be liked.
People want to be wanted.
People appreciate being appreciated.
Compliments may seem like small things.
But as the top negotiating experts in the world
reveal in their books
and courses at Wharton and Arizona State:
Compliments will get you concessions in negotiations.
(Read GETTING MORE by Professor Stuart Diamond)
Compliments trigger people to look to do things for you.
(Read INFLUENCE by Robert Cialdini)
A few weeks ago I was speaking in Denver
the new CEO of Vistage was in the group
Sam sat down and the first thing he said to me was
“Dean, the team in San Diego loves you.”
Ahhh… head rush… dopamine flowing.
And you know what? I liked Sam immediately.
Let me ask you a question:
(I know the answer to this question but humor me)
Are you likely to do things for free
for people you like
or for people you don’t like?
How about who you give discounts to?
People you know and like.
My grandmother once said to me
“If you want someone to like you
then hug them.
If you keep hugging someone
eventually they have to hug you back.”
Now it is true that she was Sicilian
and Sicilians know that when you hug someone
it’s harder for them to stab you in the back…
(but that’s a whole other article)
We feel good about people
who make us feel good
This is both a leadership strategy and a tactic:
As a leader in your organization
your strategy for optimizing performance
starts with identifying best practices.
And as a tactic in getting to yes
you should want people to like you.
Look for what people are doing well
Develop the habit of paying compliments.
A compliment is a deposit that you make
in someone’s emotional bank account.
How about the next time your team
finishes a project
or closes a deal
you get them together
and do a Win Analysis.
Get them talking about
WHAT WE DID WELL.
My dear friend and client John Collins
goes so far as to tell his Team, “I love you.”
And you know what?
THEY LOVE HIM TOO.
Start hugging people
and guess what?
THEY WILL HUG YOU BACK.
I make 200 business trips a year
and I get free drinks… and upgraded hotel rooms…
Wanna know how?
I introduce myself and use people’s first names
and I thank them for being here.
“Hi, Ed. I’m Dean.
Thank you for working this Monday morning flight.
I appreciate you.”
And then I pause and allow them
to reveal themselves to me.
People will always reveal themselves
if you let them.
One of two reactions is immediate:
The first, and most common?
They look surprised, then they smile
and take a deep breath and reply:
“You know what?
NOBODY has ever said that me.
That was really nice.”
The second, less common, but very revealing:
(With a frown.)”Well, it’s not like I had a choice.”
I already know some things about this person, don’t I?
Maybe they they are having a bad day, right?
And haven’t we all been THERE?
Now, the question is can I make a difference for him/her?
I am going to try.
Because that’s why we are here.
I have been testing this every day for the last 5 months.
You would be AMAZED by what people
will give to people they like.
It generates a kind of cosmic return of good energy.
I got a beautiful smile and a compliment
from former Heavyweight Champion Mike Tyson.
I was standing in line at the TSA in Vegas
at 6am one Saturday morning
two steps behind me was Iron Mike.
I walked up to the Champ and asked,
“Champ, how you doing this morning?”
“I’m hanging in there,” he replied.
But he looked “down” to me… exhausted.
When we got on the other side of Security
I walked back to him.
“Champ, I just want to thank you
for all the excitement you brought us in the ring.
You were special, man.
You were thrilling to watch.
He grew two inches in front of me.
His shoulders went back and his chest rose.
A beautiful smile crossed as face and
revealed itself in his eyes.
“Thank you, Dean.
You know what?
You are a very kind man.”
HOW COOL IS THAT??
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Compliments may seem like small things.
As my Birdie (Devon) once said to me:
“The little things are the big things Daddy,
when the little thing is love.”
I just went to end this post by saying:
I like you a lot. 🙂
And reading these tips and forwarding them to your team
is a really smart decision.
Pass it on.
With your success in mind,
P. S. Call me or email me if I can help you or your Group in any way!